I have been on the East Coast for over a month now, and while I am enjoying the fuck out of being here it’s time for Nelly to find a job. When I first decided to move out here i was set on doing the most for the first three months and then start looking for a job my fourth month, I am realizing that was not a well thought out plan. I am not one that does well with no bi-weekly income. One side of me feels as if I should be taking advantage of all this free time that I know I will miss when I do get a job (because I will get a job) but the other side is grating myself for not having my hustler side activated.
I have to continue to tell myself to stay positive. None of us woke up with a damn paycheck or gainful employment. We had to be patient, and trust the process. I have no idea why I am getting into my own head with this super negative Nancy mentality that I know is not true, but what I am realizing is I’m IMPATIENT I literally gave myself until the end of this month to be working. While it took me practically two years to get my government job while I lived in Oakland. I am so paranoid I have added my resume to a temp agency and while there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with this you are speaking to a girl who has been hired on the spot 4 out 5 times after an interview. I am feeling downtrodden.
Being patient has been a hard lesson
I had an interview over a week ago with a company that I decided I wanted to work for in April in California. The interview with swimmingly. I sent a handwritten Thank You letter and I sent a follow up email. I received a response that the next step would be for HR contact me. My impatience hasn’t even allowed me to take in the beauty of this. I am more concerned with if they have reached out to my references instead of: SHANELL YOU RESEARCHED A JOB AND MADE A DECISION TO APPLY FOR IT. YOU ASKED PEOPLE TO PRAY FOR YOU TO GET THIS JOB. YOU MOVED TO THE COAST OF THE JOB FOLLOWED UP AND WITHIN A 3 WEEK PERIOD YOU HAD AN INTERVIEW FOR THE JOB YOU CHOSE. DURING THIS INTERVIEW YOU GOT OFFERED TWO DIFFERENT POSITIONS IN WHICH YOU WERE GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO CHOOSE!!!! but instead of reveling in that moment I choose to be depressed about not having a job within 49 days of moving to a foreign land. Who does this?!?! I am going to go meditate and get my mental back together
At this point my house is packed, my car is shipped, and I am living at my brother’s house. I am attending a Warrior’s game at Mad Oak later today with Amber and Christina and I have a 5 o’clock AM flight to DC set for tomorrow to start my new life. I’m walking the lake because this will be my last time in a long time seeing Oakland from this perspective this shit is WILD. As I am walking the lake I receive a text.
My flight has been cancelled. HILARIOUS! WTF are the ancestors really trying to tell me? I choose to stay calm. Booked an even better flight, look at that. Needless to say I end up LOADED at Mad Oak and I am nervous about making this flight on time. I wobble my ass into the house try an make sense of this packing situation and throw my luggage into the rental. My drunk ass will have a helluva struggle in the morning
May 31:
I make it to the rental car drop off in one piece. The world is spinning wanna know why? because I’m still drunk AF! I make it to my gate and I’m actually grateful to be in this state because I am sure I would be depressed as shit to be leaving THE TOWN. I want to say I am sleep before the plane even touches the friendly skies. I wake up for my layover. My apartment isn’t ready until June 1st so I put all the finishing touches on that signing the lease, paying rent etc… Talk to a few people let them know I’m still alive thus far. Get through the last leg of this flight make it to DCA. As I am waiting for my luggage it kicks in, Bitch you had a one way ticket. There is no going home. You’re home. Keep it together Ms Flowers. I struggle with my luggage, I was offered help by someone but my heart wouldn’t allow for the help. Through pure struggle I make it to Hertz (where their systems are down so I am there for what feels like a decade) get my car and head over to my hotel where I will be staying for the night until my apartment is ready tomorrow. I am starving. I get to my hotel room an a rush of loneliness consumes me I refuse to succumb to it, instead I call someone and ask for dinner recommendations. I settle on Thai and my first meal is at the bar at The Beau Thai in DC. I stay and people watch for a minute. I lose interest quick. I get a Lyft back to the hotel I shower and literally pass out praying tomorrow is a better day
June 1st
I wake feeling light. Like I know today is a new beginning. I meditate I ask for guidance and clarity an I set my intentions. I drive to my new apartment building and a flood of excitement kicks in. I’m not visiting I LIVE HERE wow. I go to the leasing office give the young man my name he smiles and says, “hi, we’ve been waiting on you.” instant gratitude. I know in that moment I made the right decision for myself. I get the tour of the place. It has a gym, a convenient store, and parking everything else is icing. Me and Christian (leasing agent) are fast friends we stand in the empty living room talking way longer than necessary but hey I am ok with this. I finally bring my massive amount of luggage upstairs because this will be my life for the next week or so and sit indian style on the floor. My phone is going nuts with Venmo/Cashapp replies and when I look at it I ugly cry for a minute. I pull myself together and head to Walmart because your girl needs an air mattress. I will not be wasting money on a hotel. I am a Target kinda girl but Walmart is closest (so I thought) I’m in Walmart buying the essentials when, you know it, a wave of emotion conquers me again. I get through it I make it back to my empty apartment with my new things and I hunker down for the night.
Laid here and cried for an eternity.
Sunday June 2nd:
I wake up to amazing news, MY CAR IS HERE!! something from home. spectacular. I model my day around this because I am excited and I get to take this blue ass no back up camera having ass rental back a day early Praise Em! Also the Warriors are playing tonight and I dress accordingly with a shirt that represents that. I get the call that my car will be dropped off around the corner from my house, literally five mins away AWESOME. I make my way over there find a park and wait it out. The wait ends up being an hour. I have nothing but a protein shake in my body so I am slowly turning into a gremlin from hunger. I also remember that my car is on E so I need to scope out a gas station. done. An hour and a half later an accent calls me asking where I am WAITING ON YO ASS SIR he tells me where to find him. I round a corner and there she is my dirty ass car in all it’s glory that’s packed to the brim with all my shit and my plant GIMME GIMME GIMME. The guy that picked my car up is also the guy that delivers it, extremely nice guy but held me hostage talking for an additional hour. This is to his detriment, he talk to me for so long and I wanted to leave so bad I completely forgot to give him the 100.00 tip I had for him ( I still feel horrible when I called the company to make it right I was told he’s a third party contractor and they don’t have access to him) I drop the rental off, go back pick up my car, get gas, drive to the grocery store, pay for groceries only to walk out to my car and you guessed it there is absolutely nowhere to store these groceries cause ya gurl car is PACKED. I walk in tell someone my delimma they are gracious enough to hold my groceries for me. I wanna melt into the floor from embarrassment. after all this drama I figure out how late the game comes on here as I search the internet for the score Nah B the game hasn’t even happened!! the game comes on at 8 PM LAWD GEEZUS take the wheel. I find a sports bar not far from home called Dudley’s. I walk in an the vibe is dope. Rooftop all that good stuff. However someone from California walks in an there’s an instant bond. Needless to say I end up drunk and in a Lyft.
Monday June 3rd
I feel like shit. Utter warmed over shit. This air mattress is hot and sticking to me. I need ginger ale but every time I get up I’m dizzy. I have the North’s and the South’s. I wanna cry but that’s going to make life worse So I decide on sleep. I wake up in the middle of the afternoon I feel better. I decide to sweat it out in the the gym, also a friend comes by an takes me to go get soup at a local Thai food place. I just wanna go lay down.
Tuesday June 4th:
I feel a million times better!!! I hit the gym and decide to do some exploring. I have no idea where I end up but it’s a really nice part of town. I settle on having lunch at True Food Kitchen The food is amazing but the dessert is butt. My server is excellent I over tip him because he was dope. I walk around looking for a book store not successful. I decide I’ve done enough exploring I head back to my side of town.
Wednesday June 5th:
Another day of exploring but this time for household needs. I’m dedicated to fitness and the gym is in the building I really ain’t got excuses I hit the gym, get dress, head out. First stop food. I find a place Palette 22 (more about this later it’s amazing) who has happy hour from 11:30 AM- 9 PM I get the fuck outta there immediately cause it’s a set up!!! I do find out there’s a COSTCO Marshall’s Ross and all the shit I need to make a house a home 5 mins away from my residence IT’S LITTY TWO TITTY!
look at the Happy Hours outta line!
Thursday June 6:
Today good people I go on the hunt for an Ikea because I need rugs and we all know Ikea is going to give me what I need. The closest Ikea is 45 mins away challenge accepted. So the thing that is new for me starting off is I have never used GPS so much in all my life, This entire city is built on highways, freeways, beltways and junctions I AM CONFUSED AF but I have mission. The speed fluctuates between 55 and 45 MPH every 100 feet God be cruise control. I finally make it. Time to rage people. Within 30 minutes Of being there I have 5 rugs, 2 lamps, polka dot bowls, stemware, plates, and all kinda miscellaneous shit I don’t need. Then I see plants and mirrors. I want them all but none of this fits in the Buick!! I’m ready to cry. I’m also in tears because my silly ass wore a jumper to walk around Ikea and now I’m ass naked in a public restroom shaking over a toilet because my quads are about to give out. Needless to say I don’t get my plant and mirror but I know someone with a truck so those bitches will be mine MUAHAHAHAAHA yes that is a villian laugh.
Friday June 7:
Guess who has secured the re-up on the Ikea trip? I HAVE BITCHES! I have a full day planned today. I die in the gym again and then I head out to find Ethiopian food. I find a dope ass spot Enjera which reminds me of my fave Ethiopian spot Ensarra in Oakland I’m in heaven. I saddle up to a spot on the patio order the vegetable combo and a glass of Pinot Noir and people watch for lunch. Before I know it I’m getting a text confirming I’m watching the game tonight an I realize I’m 3 glasses of wine in. Also realized I am nowhere as I thick as I use to be an this wine has infiltrated my body. I decide to walk over to the mall an sober up. Great idea. I get the call that Ikea is calling my name WOOHOO the homie comes over and we map out what’s needed from Ikea but first let’s open the house warming Maker’s Mark. I’m game. Not my greatest idea cause now I’m pushing a 200 lb man on a cart through Ikea like it’s Mario Kart. Mirror and Plant and Lamp secured off to the bar to see what these Warriors gone do.
An guys this is my first week in my new town in my new home on a queen size air mattress with 3 luggage of clothes ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED
And yes thick chicks have a sexy side Muthaphukka!
I think lingerie is some of the sexiest shit on the planet! Even better if it’s attached to a round belly, stretch marks, and thick thighs. However, after happy hour with friends I’m realizing women are afraid of these wonderful liberating thin pieces of fabric, especially if you’re plus size. This makes me sad AF. As far back as I can remember I have had a thing for my bra and panties matching. Granted I’m a black lace kind of girl but you get where I’m going with this. Knowing that I was killing it under my raggedy outfit was always my secret super power. I also grew up with a Haitian grandmother who thought femininity was the end all to every situation (more on that in another post) I’m more concerned with, why is it that thicker women shy away from lingerie?? I understand before we didn’t have much to choose from (Does anyone remember Frederick’s of Hollywood? that store was soft porn at its finest) but now we are really being held down:
Are you telling me you wouldn’t wear this?? IT’S DOPE AND FROM FOREVER 21
These woman looks amazing!!!! Are you telling me you wouldn’t rock this?? How about with a Kimono?? Let me take you on a journey of a few pieces I think are universally dope and we all can feel amazing in
Gabi Fresh is someone i absolutely adore so her capsule line for Playful Promises are some of my favorites and are absolutely thick chick friendly:
I also took a gander of Fashion Nova and they have a wide variety of pickings as well:
One of my favorite celebrities in all of the land gave the thickies some options as well, I have to say tho I am not a fan of the Savage Fenty (clutches pearls) I believe Rihanna is one of the sexiest women on the planet but this line is very…meh
But I would love to hear how you ladies feel about lingerie. Do you enjoy it? Only wear it for your mate? Wear it daily? Tell me everything in the comments.
alright beautiful people let me warn you now I’m all in my feels and I will jump in an tell you why. When I decided I was moving I didn’t really give anyone fair warning. I kinda woke up teeter tottered with the idea, made a decision, chose a date, and got the wheels turning. Not much discussion. Anyway when I finally started to tell people about my move it was a week before my one way ticket took me to my new journey. Needless to say, this DID NOT go over well with a lot of people. and my apologies I realize how massively naive I was NOW when it comes to the love that people have for me. When I came to the reality that I would not be able to kick it with everyone i became immediately downtrodden but i had an idea
Instead of attending expensive ass dinners and getting drunk into oblivion via drink dates and happy hours I chose to request 10 American Dollars via Venmo and Cashapp to help with my move and also I realized how many people wanted to do something, anything for me, I felt like giving me 10 bucks was the same as buying me a drink. YA’LL!!!! I already feel the warm tears brimming on my eyelids AGAIN the response I got from people was overwhelming. I always knew I was loved but the abundance of love I received I still don’t know how to take in. You would have thought I was in Vegas at a winning slot machine the way my phone started to chirp. YAHTZEE
The 10.00 start pouring in and the tears started to flow cause I’m a punk! Also the 15.00 25.00 100.00 and 200.00 flowed in. And when those numbers came in I sat on the floor of my empty apartment in the fetal position and ugly cried. I mean snot flowing funeral cried. I’m sure I know why the cry was so hard, long, and ugly but I can say afterwards I felt renewed. I knew how hard my tribe fucked with me and I also figured out that I must be an alright human being for people to curse me out to give me their hard earned coin. Do you know I had friends and family come for my neck because I didn’t ask them for 10.00!! Folks were real life upset. I don’t even know how to handle this right now. I’m just proud that I have given out the kind of energy that blessed me with this kind of outpouring of love.
There is no way on the planet Earth that I can thank you all individually or even in this lifetime. My entire apartment is furnished because of you all. I mean I am wanting for NOTHING I was even able to buy groceries. I do want to say THANK YOU. Thank you from the pits of my soul that is nourished by my ancestors in the diaspora. Thank you for making me stand in my truth that I AM LOVED. Thank you for making me acknowledge numerous times that I would do the same for all of you (and I would) Thank you for calling me out about being so damn secretive. You all deserve better of me an I will give you that. iPromise
