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is a shit storm right now. Does anyone else feel like they’re going to be single forever? Just me? That’s cool….I guess.

I am currently going through heartbreak for the millionth time it feels like, this time is a little different because I am realizing this human is the first human i have ever been IN LOVE with. :GASP: yeah I know. Unfortunately for me I decided to fall in love with the devil. I won’t say that i don’t play a part. He has not only shown me who he is he has told me a multitude of times. I am the over romantic that thought i could over love him into loving me.

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I am very aware THAT PART is my fault. :LE SIGH: Once I seen shit was going left I should have made a hard right and got the fuck outta town, but no I stuck around an continued to dig myself deeper into someone that now on the outside looking in I don’t think ever liked me. I am navigating new territory here and I am never sure if I am doing a good job. My friends that know about the situation is holding me down and checking in, BUT deep in my soul I wish it was “the Devil” and that is the part I am having a hard time understanding. I think it’s because it was so easy for me to leave my exes (which allowed me to realize I was never in love with them) that I am confused why I haven’t done the same with this one? Do I like being abused? Cause this is 100% abuse. Emotional, verbal, spiritual, intellectual abuse. I’ve been single before why am I trippin now? BECAUSE I’M FUCKIN OLD!

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I am frustrated with myself because I feel as if I have become a “Pick ME” bitch and keeping it a buck I AM TOO MUTHAFUCKIN FINE to be her. in conclusion because I’m tired of whining, I’m doing a lot of meditation and reading.. I’m not sure if it’s helping but I’m hopeful. I want to be wanted and be loved. I want to genuinely smile again soon and I hope the saying that there’s someone out there for everyone is true cause I honestly feel kind of alone these days. SO ANYWHO how do you guys get over heartbreak? I’d love to hear from you in the comments.

If you know me than you know I’m definitely the, “who all there?” friend. And it has nothing to do with the people there but EVERYTHING to do with me! I consistently say The Most High made a very cruel joke by making me look friendly as all get out, but didn’t install the friendly portion of my personality. Go Figure. However I have no problem making new friends or sparking a conversation with a complete stranger. When I first moved here I met a girl at a bar an we hopped in a Lyft together and hit the club same night. BUT I keep hearing women tell me making friends as an adult (30+) is a no go and with my experiences this is so hard to believe. This weekend I went out with a friend from The Bay that I met through my friend (who’s from Detroit) and we happen to run into some of her friends. Well long story short as I am sitting down talking to these women, I was told that D.C. is super high school clique-ish and that is why it’s hard. If you’re not in the right circles it’s very hard to get invited into these particular circles. She, who was from Detroit, explained she has a tight group because she went to Howard and joined a sorority

I’m coming to the realization that I have the ability to dip and dodge through all circles comfortably, because I never have intentions on staying. If it happens to pan out that we are meant to exchange numbers and carry on the interaction awesome, but if not I’m super cool with that as well! I much rather be a square than try an fight int a circle. This ability to have a great time within the meeting is probably why I have no issues meeting and making friends as an adult but I can also see how it’s not easy. We are older we have our core group of people that we plan to ride with until the end so there’s no need to entertain new ones. They wasn’t with us shootin’ in the gym or getting yelled at by each others parents during adolescents so with that said we are stuck in our ways an ain’t foolin’ with anyone. Does this same rhetoric apply to co workers as well?? I would love to hear from you all in the comments. Is it hard for you to make friends? Keep friends?

Welcome to SUGAHBOXX! I can’t even start to tell you how excited I am to have you here. I am Shanell and I’ll be your guide on this crazy journey that is my life. The goal is to have healthy discussions about love, fashion, spirituality, mental health, etc and to learn from one another in a safe space. Let’s get started shall we?