is a shit storm right now. Does anyone else feel like they’re going to be single forever? Just me? That’s cool….I guess.
I am currently going through heartbreak for the millionth time it feels like, this time is a little different because I am realizing this human is the first human i have ever been IN LOVE with. :GASP: yeah I know. Unfortunately for me I decided to fall in love with the devil. I won’t say that i don’t play a part. He has not only shown me who he is he has told me a multitude of times. I am the over romantic that thought i could over love him into loving me.
I am very aware THAT PART is my fault. :LE SIGH: Once I seen shit was going left I should have made a hard right and got the fuck outta town, but no I stuck around an continued to dig myself deeper into someone that now on the outside looking in I don’t think ever liked me. I am navigating new territory here and I am never sure if I am doing a good job. My friends that know about the situation is holding me down and checking in, BUT deep in my soul I wish it was “the Devil” and that is the part I am having a hard time understanding. I think it’s because it was so easy for me to leave my exes (which allowed me to realize I was never in love with them) that I am confused why I haven’t done the same with this one? Do I like being abused? Cause this is 100% abuse. Emotional, verbal, spiritual, intellectual abuse. I’ve been single before why am I trippin now? BECAUSE I’M FUCKIN OLD!
I am frustrated with myself because I feel as if I have become a “Pick ME” bitch and keeping it a buck I AM TOO MUTHAFUCKIN FINE to be her. in conclusion because I’m tired of whining, I’m doing a lot of meditation and reading.. I’m not sure if it’s helping but I’m hopeful. I want to be wanted and be loved. I want to genuinely smile again soon and I hope the saying that there’s someone out there for everyone is true cause I honestly feel kind of alone these days. SO ANYWHO how do you guys get over heartbreak? I’d love to hear from you in the comments.